Grr. I'm falling for him. I don't want to. I can't because I know what will happen. I'll be an angry jealous bitch and never be the girl I have always dreamed about. Then the break up will be messy and we will forever be awkward. I can't have that with this sweet guy. And besides, didn't he say he looks for religion in the girls? Well, that totally knocks me off the ladder as I have none, or none that I can find, or none that is as passionate as he is. But then, why does he say those things to me? If only I can see his face and hear his voice when he says those words. Then I might know the truth behind them and not be lured on by these false words that haunt me to the depths of my mind and ponder over it when I have any spare time. Just let me know. What can I do? What is there for me to do?

I guess I'm unlucky. Or I can't apply what I know to myself. I guess that can happen, you know. I love helping people with their relationships, but I would love to help myself. I guess that is what friends are for. Rely on them to help guide you.

How do you recover from a fall from the top of the ladder? Being the huge popular person in elementry, everything went down that spiral when that damn school closed. The past is an unliveable place to be, but I sure damn want to live there. You can lie to your self all you want, but you always know that it is a beautiful lie and you can't kid yourself about it. Admit it. Admit it and let the pain and shame wash over you until you drown within it. You have nothing left to give and nothing to take, so why stay? Just leave, and no one will stop you or shed a single tear. Because that is what happens in this world. One day you will just tip the bottle and swallow them all. Sleep until you never wake again.

Out of all the living things on this planet, people are the worst. We lie, we break promises, we leave others hanging no matter how much rests on you. People suck. They all deserve to suffer, because we do. All the stupid things we do. All the mindless, idiotic, retarded, shit-licking crap we do is stupid. Suffering. The only way we find anyone's true nature if they will be brave and trustworthy, or fall into a sniveling heap of lying and decietfulness. We can't seem to see ourselves in the picture. What were we doing? Look at yourself. You're stupid. Just drop dead. Drop fucking dead.

Fuck this world. Fuck the people in it. They can go suck cocks and get ass raped by fucking zebras. I want it all gone. Make it all gone. And then I will be happy. Make everything disappear into a white light. Into oblivion. Into nothing. And only me left with what the imagination can conjure up. That is my world.