He doesn't like me to help him. I think he is scared of me. Scared to talk to me because I hate him and I show contempt in my voice. I should try to hide it more, but I can't help but show that contempt and hate in my voice when I talk to him. Haha, it makes me laugh sometimes. When he gets angry with me, I just want to laugh in his face. Laugh and smile until he gets the point. Everytime I talk to you, I want to puke all over. Everytime I look at you, I want to scratch my eyes out. Everytime I breath the same air, I want to suffocate. That love for you seems to be lost a long time ago. It seems a dark hate has grown in that space and has filled it and is still spreading like cancer in my body. Just one day, I'm waiting, waiting for it to consume me and guide my life into a living hell of fuck.

When you really think about it, this world can be so small sometimes. It amazes even me. You would think this would be a big world and everyone would get lost, but some how, just somehow, people can be found and anything you want if you try hard enough. Though, there are exceptions to what you can find and what you have to create to make sure you get what you want in this life. Watched A LOT of japanese dramas lately and I have found that many of the actors, not actresses, are involved in bands and such. And many of them I can connect together and have seen them in the same dramas as before. Now I don't know if there aren't that many actors over there or something, but it just seems like a small world over there and everyone runs into each other often. Maybe it is because that island is smaller than California itself and has more than twice as many people living there than Cali does. Small world, you see? It's really amazing. Another reason I would love to go there and live there for a while at least.

Oh my fucking gawd, just leave me alone. I can't believe how much crap I had to put up with when I was younger. I don't know why I was chill back then with them, but now I just can't stand to be in the same room, to talk in the morning, or hear things from them. It's as if I am starting to become vastly diseased by them and can't help but pent up my anger that continues to boil inside. Is it true that as we get older we get stupider? You would like to think that we get wiser but I don't think that's the case sometimes. Because sometimes they are just as dumb as a fucking rock and ask billions of questions that are so fucking obvious and won't let us answer right after they say it cuz they have to explain because of their stupidity thinking that we are the stupid ones and they treat me like a fucking child. Well, newsflash my fellow old "ones": I'M NOT A FUCKING CHILD. I'm old enough to understand those "bad things" on tv, and you guys are the ones who can't stomach the fact of liquified brains seeping out of someone's nose. Yum yum, gotta love that show Fringe. Hehe. But ya, my back hurts.