Please let me go from these bonds of what ever I am. I'm only angry and upset and sad all the time. I can't be happy for others when I so wish what they have for myself most of my life. And love is so hard. What is love? I obviously don't know the meaning of it because I can't keep it loyal to the one I supposedly love. Is it too much to be angry when that significant other is texting your friends to protect you? But I don't like it. Just something about it makes me want to shout I CAN PROTECT MYSELF, I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL MY FRIENDS TO PROTECT ME OR YOU TO PROTECT ME. I can protect myself because if I rely on other people then I will forever rely on other people to protect me. I can find my own strength. And what do I need protection from? Tell me that. This is ridiculous. I obviously don't know what love is and can't keep my faith to it. I don't even know why you are still with me. It's because I am your first probably. Should I move on or try to stay with you and just continue this war between us because I know that both of our hearts will be broken if we walked away from each other? But how can we stay together if our hearts are being broken still, even yours...

Is it possible to be this tired? Sigh. Well I am.

I feel so scared right now. I mean I have things working out for me, but it's my mind that is screwing everything up.What do I do? I can't seem to let go of this bad side of my brain, and it's always haunting my every step, over shadowing what I do and everyone I love. How can I just not be afraid anymore of people leaving me? I just want to trust them so much, but I don't know how to express it. Do I tell them my darkest secrets? What I most fear though is I do this all for attention. But I don't think it is all that way...I think. Maybe, subconsciously I'm a really pathetic girl who is inept at all things and societal standards, and this world just isn't for me. You know...

Boy, am I tired or what? I really am. Of this thing we call "life". I'm just so sick and fed up, sometimes I just want to lay in bed and sleep forever so I don't have to wake up and face it. It just seems so pointless, we fight and bite each other to what? Have more wealth? Be more famous? It all really doesn't matter, we all end up in the same place. Dead. Some earlier than others. I consider those people the luckiest. They don't have to deal with all this fucking dumb crap we call life. People cry at their funerals, not because they are sad they are gone, but the underlying theme of disappointment that it is not them instead that can escape from reality. Now I understand people that take drugs, it is a closer way for them to enter the realm of no more reality, no more life. It must be a relief to have those drugs running through their system.

I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. I don't know why you won't just let me sleep.

When does anyone ever care? I mean, I don't. And that is a perfectly human reaction. I just don't fucking care. Period. If he crapped up his life, why am I the one who has to fix it. Screw it. I have other things to do. Like what? Oh yeah, something called trying not to screw up my life. Duuuur. I think you are too stupid for even existance. Seriously. Do you ever listen to yourself? Tch, fuck no I bet. Well guess what, you sound like fucking dickhead who can't shut the fuck up.

Does he think he can crush down my dreams? My goals? My life? Pssh, fuck that and fuck him. Yeah, that's right. I won't take that crap from anyone. I can be who I want to be and do what I want to do. The other day he wanted to frickin' kill me in his own car. Next day he was all goody-goody to me like nothing happened. FUCKER. YOU TRIED TO KILL ME IN YOUR FUCKING CAR AND YOU EXPECT EVERYTHING TO BE OK AFTERWARDS. DUMBEST SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD, SEEN, AND BEEN EXPOSED TO. You all want to see me fall right? HATERS. As I quote a friend I have never met, "I don't fear bullets from uzis". Instead I'll throw them back at you after I have ripped them out of my body, 'cause you aren't taking me down that easily. I'm better than you, and always will be.

Whatever you do, I will meet it with defiant eyes because I know that I am right and you are wrong and you are just a person whose ego is so big that it suffocates the people around you. You over dramatise everything and think yourself as the only sane and smart person in the household, but you are nothing but a dumb fuck and should be considered a menace to society. You should be put in an asylum or some place where no one can be affected by you because you screw people up, you fuck their lives up and you don't even give them a chance to breath in life. That should be a crime. I know justice won't come, so now I have to become a vigilante who will forever silence your mouth and life, forever.